Most disappointing picnics fail for one of three reasons: the ground slopes, the wind finds you, or the view turns out to be a hedge. The good news is that all three can be sorted before you leave the kitchen, with a few minutes spent reading the landscape rather than the footpath signs.
Begin by asking what you actually want from the spot. A shallow valley with a church tower, a wide sweep of estuary, a patchwork of fields seen from a low ridge — all of these work. What matters is that the outlook is open enough to feel like a view, but contained enough to feel sheltered. Sweeping panoramas on an exposed hilltop are glorious for ten minutes and miserable for an hour.
Gentle countryside walking usually means field edges, old railway paths, canal towpaths and estate tracks. On an Ordnance Survey map, contour lines packed close together mean steep ground; lines spaced widely, or absent altogether, mean you are in with a chance.
In practice, look for these features:
Watch out for ant hills, which stud chalk grassland in late summer, and for molehills, which make a soft, wobbly seat. Avoid the shaded, damp side of a wood — midges and mosquitoes gather there.
In Britain, the prevailing wind comes from the south-west, so a hedge, wall or bank on the western or south-western side of your chosen spot will do most of the work. You can still face south or south-east and enjoy the sun and the view while your back stays warm.
A quick test: hold up a handful of dry grass and let it fall, or watch the tops of the tallest trees. If the wind is gusting above about 15mph, even a light lunch becomes a wrestling match with napkins and crisp packets. Move to plan B — a sheltered bench, a walled garden corner, or the leeward side of a barn or hedge.
On warmer days, the opposite applies. A south-facing slope in July can be a sun trap by noon. A single mature tree — oak, ash or lime — gives dappled shade, and the ground beneath is usually flat and clear of nettles if livestock graze there.
Gentle walking is not one thing. It might mean a pushchair, a walking stick, a folding stool, a wheelchair, a toddler who will walk for twenty minutes and then need carrying, or grandparents who prefer a short flat loop to a long climb. Choose the destination to suit the slowest person, not the quickest.
Even the finest view is spoiled by a damp bottom. Pack a groundsheet or a waterproof-backed picnic blanket, and if you are sitting on grass, add a folded mat or a lightweight folding stool with arms. A bench becomes far more comfortable with a cushion or a rolled fleece.
Other small things that make a big difference: a thermos of hot tea even in summer, a flask of cold water, a lightweight windbreak if you are on open ground, and a bag for rubbish — including apple cores and banana skins, which are not as biodegradable in a country car park as people assume.
Finally, leave the spot better than you found it. Close gates behind you, keep dogs under control around livestock, and resist feeding the ponies, ducks or sheep. The view is the point — and it is worth keeping lovely for the next pair of boots along the path.